Established the second of January, 1970, being the first business day after the beginning of time
Certificate of Chronological Vintage
❦ ❦ ❦
Be it known to all persons, in all nations, and also in Wales, that the answer to the question
"WHO IS THE OLDEST BABY?"
is, and remains until further notice,
Thaddeus Daniel Pierce
an ancient infant of the vintage 1994, who is hereby styled
INFANS ANTIQUISSIMUS
(The Most Ancient Infant), with all honours attendant thereto. There are none.
conceived in the year of 1994, held in faithful cryostorage for thirty years and six months, born the twenty-sixth of July, 2025, and assessed under the Two Clocks methodology, the Registry taking no position on which clock is the true one.
Given under my hand, in the den, and verified current as of this day.
GERALD, LEAD RECORD KEEPER
WITNESSED BY GERALD
CERTIFICATE No. 000006 · FORM IRAI-1 · Nos. 1 THROUGH 5 ISSUED TO PRIOR HOLDERS, ALL SINCE DETHRONED